To Be Magnetic: How to Befriend Your Subconscious Mind
“You can go to the gym, drink your water, and take your vitamins, but if you don’t deal with the shit going on in your heart and head, you’re still going to be unhealthy.”
—Mark Groves
Do you have a thought pattern, a behavioral pattern or a reoccurring injury that you don’t want to succumb to anymore?
Do you feel like someone else, maybe your younger self, is making decisions for you?
I do!
These unwanted patterns, biases and injuries live in the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind makes about 90% of your daily decisions based on things you learned between the ages of 0-7 specifically pertaining to beliefs, emotions, habits, values, protective reactions, imaginations, and intuition. The conscious mind is only about 10% of what you use daily. It’s where ‘positive thinking,’ willpower, and critical thinking happen. Manifesting the life you desire and the health you deserve happens in the subconscious mind.
The unwanted thought patterns, behavioral patterns and injuries are most likely protection mechanisms developed in early childhood to keep you safe. Every human being relies on being accepted and loved by their community to survive. Humans learn certain thought patterns and behaviors to remain an integral part of the group. For many of us, this means shrinking, hiding or bending over backwards to please others. Over decades, this kind of thinking and behavior can make you sick - mentally and physically. Bessel van der Kolk describes this phenomenon in his book The Body Keeps the Score.
“We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way mind and brain manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think and what we think about, but also our very capacity to think.”
Bessel van der Kolk
Trauma is defined as ‘a deeply distressing or disturbing experience’ or ‘a physical injury.’ In modern psychology, trauma is difficult to define because the same event has different effects on each person; therefore, anything you experienced ranging from mild to intense can be defined as trauma and stored in the body and the subconscious mind.
For example, when parents scream at one another in front of their child, the child might learn that screaming is an effective way to be heard. As an adult, the screaming could drive people away because it isn’t an effective communication tool. Another child in this setting might learn that to prevent their parents from screaming, they need to be quiet and perfect. As an adult, silencing themselves and striving for perfection could be isolating because of the fear of putting themselves out there and making mistakes.
Van der Kolk says, “Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.”
How do we stop hiding from ourselves? How do we tap into our subconscious mind and reconnect with the physical body? There are several ways, but this blog post focuses on the online program To Be Magnetic, which Dr. Charlie and several of her patients (including me!) have found hugely effective in the healing process.
Rooted in psychology, neuroscience, and founder Lacy Phillips energetic gifts, To Be Magnetic (TBM) helps you become aware of and expand your subconscious limiting beliefs. Anything you desire is possible, and the goal at TBM is to get you back to your whole worthy authentic self – the way you were when you were born before society imprinted its expectations and programming on you.
To Be Magnetic employs neuroplasticity - the brain’s ability brain to form and reorganize synaptic connections, especially in response to an experience – to help you heal. TBM meditations are designed to use neuroplasticity to help the brain rewire past experiences and adapt to new ones. In the hypnosis style meditations, you have the opportunity to rethink an experience, not change the memory, but change how you feel about the memory. TBM’s resident Marriage and Family Therapist and EMDR specialist Janelle Nelson says, “The essence of TBM is real self-worth. And true self-worth doesn’t run over our emotional boundaries and deep self-worth so carefully and so lovingly holds our trauma work.”
Where to begin
TBM’s proprietary workshops are How to Manifest, Unblocked Inner Child and Unblocked Shadow. The meditations (called Deep Imaginings or DIs) range from 10 minutes to 30 minutes, and they help individuals cope with inner child healing and shadow work especially related to relationships, career and finances. Journal prompts before the Deep Imaginings help you see your blind spot and journal prompts after the Deep Imaginings help you create an actionable plan to break your patterns.
The term ‘unblocked’ used in the program names means to have reprogrammed the limiting beliefs that don’t serve you as an adult. Being ‘unblocked’ means living in a state of being open and free with self-chosen boundaries. TBM defines ‘blocks’ as deeply rooted subconscious beliefs that are low self-worth and keep you in old patterns and disempowered habits that make you unknowingly settle for less than you deserve.
From the TBM Website
“From the ages of 0 to 14 (and up to 25, when the brain fully develops), we pick up pain, shame, programming, limiting beliefs, and core wounds that create subconscious blocks. These blocks keep us from truly believing that the things we want are possible and therefore prevent us from connecting with our manifestations.
Everyone has blocks. You are not broken, you don’t need to be “fixed,” and you did nothing wrong – our brains naturally create limiting beliefs and behaviors as coping mechanisms in an attempt to survive, connect, and be accepted in our environments.”
Dr. Tara Swart, neuroscientist and professor at MIT, backs TBM teachings. In her book, The Source, she says, “We need to actively direct our brain to move away from prioritizing these unconscious biases, and to being more open, flexible and courageous about pushing ourselves towards our goals and choices that feel “new” and “dangerous.” Focusing on what we do want rather than what we need to avoid in order to survive will mean we are more likely to manifest it (in the same way that if you’re mountain biking, you should never look at the potholes and boulders you don’t want to ride over, but instead focus on the path through them).”
Ready to learn more?
Check out TBM’s Expanded Podcast Episode 122: EXPLAINED Neural Manifestation with Neuroscientist Dr. Tara Swart.
Local support
If online programs aren’t your thing, a great in-person alternative is EMDR therapy.
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s used to alleviate distress associated with traumatic experiences. In the midst of a traumatic experience, the eyes freeze and fixate on one point. During EMDR, bilateral stimulation occurs. With eyes closed, the eyes are prompted to move right and left with hand tapping, a light bar or a quiet buzzing sound while calling up core memories and the physical sensations associated with the memories. A licensed therapist asks reflective questions about how the body feels during the memory to unleash the stuck, stagnant energy. This process allows you to tap into your subconscious thought patterns so you can overwrite them with new, empowered beliefs.
Elizabeth Koutrelakos of Teton Minded and Cheyenne Syverston-Hagestuen of Teton Wellness are great local therapists with EMDR training.
Ready to learn more?
Check out TBM’s Expanded Podcast Episode 202: EXPLAINED Unblocking with EMDR Therapist Janelle Nelson.
Here’s a personal example:
TBM helped me run the Boston Marathon! For years, I wanted to run the Boston Marathon because it's considered to be the most prestigious race in America. Qualifying times are difficult to achieve, so I decided the only way I could accomplish this goal was to run for charity. I was accepted onto Team Red Cross for the 2022 Boston Marathon and I needed to raise $10,000 in eight months in order to run the race. At the time, I had very little non-profit experience and I knew nothing about fundraising. When friends or family asked for donations to their favorite non-profit, I rolled my eyes because I couldn't afford to donate anything more than $10. I had no idea how I was going to fundraise $10,000 without picking up extra work and saving the money myself. In the TBM workshop called Unblocked Inner Child, memories surfaced about selling Girl Scout Cookies in elementary school. My parents preferred to buy the cookies instead of asking their friends and co-workers to support my cookie sales. They simply didn't want to bother anyone.This was literally blocking my ability as an adult to ask for donations to the Red Cross because I too didn't want to bother anyone. In the Autonomy DI, I reprogrammed 'I don't want to bother anyone' into 'my goals are important and it's okay to ask for support.' I quickly raised $13,000 and had a fantastic Boston Marathon experience!
“Till we become conscious of it, this is what relationships ultimately are: patterns. And those patterns are always invitations to heal and meet ourselves. When the pattern stops and the healing takes place, well, that’s when the love really begins.”
—Mark Groves